All TOOL songs are about, yep you guessed it, SEX

Okay, now that I've got your attention, let me tell you what I pulled out of my ass after talking with a bunch of kids downtown who happened to be wearing Tool shirts. (I know, I know, I must be getting old actually talking to kids to ask them their opinion of a band, to "get in touch" with the *in* thing.) Anyway, they came to the conclusion that all Tool songs are about sex. Now, let me break this down song by song without listening to any of the lyrics at all. (Sit back, this might be good for a laugh)
From Opiate:
Sweat - caused by the act of sex
Hush - "quiet little girl while I fuck you in your daddy's house"
Part of Me - about everyone's favourite member
Cold and Ugly - necrophiliacs unite
Jerk-Off -
Opiate - sex as the drug of the people

From Undertow:
Intolerance - intolerant about people who don't want sex
Prison Sex - rape and all it's fun stuff
Sober - the morning after sex with that ex-girlfriend you now hate
Bottom - sex with the prostitute
Crawl Away - a testament to the person who was raped
Swamp Song - song about the "swamp" in which sex takes place
Undertow - the pull and call to sex
4° - taking the level of sex up four degrees
Flood - when you're the number one porn star
Disgustipated - disgust over people who don't want sex

From Ænima (this one's a little harder):
Stinkfist -
Eulogy - a dirge to someone who died during sex
H. - "I'm Horny all night long, I'm Horny all night long"
Useful Idiot - the sex slave
Forty Six & 2 - the ultimate orgy (46 women & 2 men)
Message to Harry Manbeck - "I want your sex"
Hooker with a Penis - a lament about strange encounters with prostitutes
Intermission - while the band has sex
Jimmy - have you ever heard the stories about little Jimmy?
Die Eier von Satan - Satan's Eggs i.e. a song about the horrors of woman
Pushit - the act of sex
Cesaro Summability - umm...Caeser had sex didn't he?
Ænima - weird kinky water sex
(-) Ions - umm...the inny outy theorem
Third Eye - contemplations on the navel

Okay, there you go. Now anyone who hasn't *listened* to the songs has an idea of what they're all about. Happy now?